All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
