Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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