i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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