Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
