I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
