I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
It's just like the Real World with babies
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
