Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
