At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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