yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
