"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just cut my nipple shaving
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
