You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
