3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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