PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
BRING THE BAGELS
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
