Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
