They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
