You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
