Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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