Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
