i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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