come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
