i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
