Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
