Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
