This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
