I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
