chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
