You're completely useless in the revolution.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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