Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
