i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
