ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
