I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
