My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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