you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
