she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
