I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
