I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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