I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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