We're like a lot better than the average bears
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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