Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
