Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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