I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
