im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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