one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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