just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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