I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
