Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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