well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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