drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
