first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
