It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
