everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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