i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
